Searching...

big side note: If you're not looking for something you might not find it. If you become set into a routine day after day you might miss the unexpected thing that would have brightened your day.

I moved from Colorado but I haven't felt settled in yet. Granted most of my stuff is still in my car and that's not helping. I feel like this is the place t be right now so everything's fine there, it's just that I was so use to living a certain way, doing a certain routine that it's still getting to me that I can't go out for coffee with a friend or drop by for a visit and some ice cream.

Even people I wouldn't ordinarily go visit I'm itching to go see. It's strange living in Arkansas. The only friends I have out here are my brother and his wife and honestly, I don't know them that well at all. I guess my mind is searching for some kind of consistency: I've heard we're creatures of habit.

The triplets are adorable and I'm loving every moment with them, even though sometimes I feel at a loss on what to do. I didn't come out here to add stress to my brother's life, you know? :)

Sometimes I wonder what God is up to: I mean in my life personally. I'm trying to go to Russia and everything seems on track there, but that's far away. I am not use to being so goal less in my immediate life. I mean, do I want to be in ministry for the near future? How could I continue about doing that? If so, where to go? Why do I want to join the military? Goodness, I don't like typing so reflectively, it just makes me think of more questions.

There are too many questions to be honest. I can search and sift them the half of them. I felt God pushing me out of the Springs for some reason though. I'm still sure I was given the motivation to leave town. Maybe that was for another's benefit and not mine, lol. I can be annoying at times! Oh my, not very positive thoughts in this post.

I'll end it saying that despite all this, I'm keeping my wits about me. I am not necessarily "looking" for an obvious "Oh, that's why I'm here! God's plan makes sense now." Because there are times when you are an impact on your surroundings and you won't know just yet how important your actions were.

So any-who, Jesus is my everything. I love serving Him my affection and dedication and zeal. I can't get enough of Him, either :) I always have more to say, I just don't like crossing that personal sharing line very often so don't get too used to it! I'll save the more for next year!!! So have a happy and merry and blessed rest of the year of 2010!

Life as we know it

Never thought I'd be soooo happy to leave my job and room mate and friends and Colorado.

Maybe I should have prefaced this with how much I miss all my friends and family in the Springs :D It's just that living with my brother and his wife and my nephews has been great.

Feeding babies, changing diapers, cleaning up after dinner, waking up multiple times a night, etc.
It's been great! Sure, I'm tired but I feel like I'm right where I want to be. There isn't a thing I can think of that can replace these babies' smiles...(granted they're not always smiling, that'd just be too much for anyone to handle!)

I'll be going on the road soon. Kansas a week, Texas a week, then back to Kansas to collect myself for the trip back here to Austin, Arkansas. So by Christmas I'll be celebrating it with family that I haven't seen all that much in the last decade and I'll enjoy every day of it.

Russia isn't seeming so impossible or gargantuan as others can make it sound. It seems I'll get to go in March and hang out with my friend there :) I can't wait.

I'm loving this!

Full of life

There are always things swirling and twirling around in my mind. And it sure is full as of late.

But having my thoughts on the good things is extremely satisfying. Having a relationship with God gives me a purpose to express love. I don't think I'd be a very nice person if left to my own thoughts and feelings.

I think that is something we as humans have become awkward about. Sometimes, showing "affection" in a platonic way towards people can really set them off. No I'm not creeping people out or anything with awkward comments :) But I just think that we do not understand basics of who we are suppose to be.

As a christian, we should have an intimate relationship with the object of our christianity. i.e. Christ!

We may know that our relationship with him is the primary importance in life, but sometimes we wind ourselves up in knots of life and get tied up in things that become too important for us to abandon.

I'm having to "abandon" Colorado Springs in the best effort of mine to be able to go to Russia in March. It will be cheaper (i.e. free) to live with my parents than to continue living in Colorado. Yay, though! I get to go to St. Petersburg as of now and I'm loving that.

When people try to gauge your productivity in life they may consider your future goals, schooling, any interests that make you unique, etc. But my point is that being able to relate to Jesus is the first and most important priority in life. And it's one that gets overlooked too often.

I have things in common with Jesus. That's why we're friends. I like the things He likes. I enjoy showing compassion to others. I enjoy learning how God thinks: what makes him tick. I have a relationship with Him.

I find that filling myself up with Jesus fills my life up with positive experiences. I hope to be able to share effectively the ease of relationship I have with God. I want to express the pure God of the Gospel. One of love and peace. Not enmity or disappointment or anger or hate.

I know who God is and I have big shoes to fill if I'm ever going to be half as great. But, then again, I don't need to size up or compare myself to perfection. I have Christ to look at and compare him against God. He is not only my friend, but my mediator. He has made me perfect to the glory of God. I have a very good friendship.

If you don't feel like you do as well, ask God about it. If you're full of life and it's not very heartening but stressful and strifeful, bring it up in conversation with God. I know he doesn't want that for you and I know he's not the root of your distress. It's okay to trust in a good person. You won't be let down in the hands of God. I promise you he can be strength enough to get you through any storm. I've had to face some myself and He's always been there with me.

I love my foundation and nothing will shake me. I have my friend Jesus to thank for that.

I'm in no hurry

I love the fact that I've been a christian for years. But life is like my picture above. You can never be certain where you'll end up, lol. Now that bible college is over I'm glad to start paddling to the next part of my life.

Lately I've been hanging out with friends and enjoying this summer while it lasts. I can't wait to begin new things but at the same time I'm not in a hurry either. God knows the right time for every part of my life and I'm not afraid to take time to meditate on the word and create more memories with my Lord.

I might be taking the following decade and devoting it to college and the military. This is in no way a concrete or "best" thought out decision but it's on the table right now. So be praying for me as I consider things for next year and see what God would have us do together.

Understanding love is how we grow in Christ because He is the head of the body and He represents God perfectly. I want to represent Christ in everything I do. But I believe the word of God is quick and powerful and He is able to make clear to me what I should do next.

I want to use the gifts God has given me and that is why I'm considering college again. I am academic and naturally good at most subjects. I will always be a partaker of the gospel and am not afraid. Whether I'm appointed a preacher, an apostle, or a teacher, I will bring life through the gospel truth.

I just wanted to type a little bit to give you guys an update and let you know I'm doing great! I'm in no hurry, and I'm also in no hurry to waste time either. But with God's wisdom at my disposal I know I will redeem the time. God's grace is great for me! I know whatever I choose that Jesus is always there with me and that's a comfort I'll never be without.

Ephesians inspired letter

I will occasionally write :D and sometimes it's in the form of poetry.
Usually it rhymes, but I always find those easier to write, so I tried my hands at this small jot below. (It's deeper if it doesn't rhyme right?)

Anyways: May was a full time position at work for me and it was actually the high light of my month...yes, getting to work more was excellent! My job is awesome and the people make it so much fun.

Without further ado, on to the poem!

Love is the string that fitly joins us together
Knitting us closer and edifying one another
Love is a gift we all have yet we all want

Whether or not it is understood
It can always be communicated
Love is the original language

Love has no room for vanity
Love has a unique gait
I pray you recognize it when you see it

The purest of languages
The simplest (albeit hardest) to convey
Love is.

Some questions to ponder

Have you ever met someone who understood the love of Christ to abuse the grace of God?

I believe that it is wrong to sin so that grace may abound. I'm getting this from Romans and it confirms that if you preach the grace of God, people might wonder if you're giving them the freedom to sin.

God is love. When you love someone, you are motivated to please them. You sacrifice yourself if need be. That's why you can't be a people pleaser and a God pleaser. You can't serve two masters. The love of God will keep you from sin in your life.

------------------------Next pondering!------------------------

"I'll call you daddy and hug you if you don't hit me tonight." What if you heard a little child say this to their father in the supermarket? How would you react to that?

We do the same with God sometimes. "Will you bless me if I do something really good today?" "I'll tithe if you bless me with this seed I'm planting." "I'll follow you Lord, if you don't let my baby die."

If I had a child and they thought that I wouldn't feed them, or clothe them, unless they hugged me that day, or if they called me daddy, I would be heartbroken. I would wonder why they would think such negative things about me. As if I don't love them and would do all that for them regardless of their actions.

God loves us so much that sometimes the way we approach him, or pray to Him breaks His heart. He loves us way too much to put conditions on His love.

There is always more to write but I hope this was a nice tid-bit of ponderings for your brain :) I'll write some more later!

What I think about that

Hi everyone! I wanted to tell you what I think about God and some other thoughts. I want to preach/teach the word of God, "The Gospel of Peace", namely Jesus Christ.

If you aren't preaching Jesus, then you aren't preaching the Gospel. Simple enough, but many preachers just preach truths: facts: scripture. This may sound good, but saying, "You're going to hell if you don't believe on Jesus" is TRUTH, it is a FACT and from SCRIPTURE, but it is not what you are suppose to be preaching.

Mark 13:10 And the gospel must first be published among all nations.

We are to preach THE truth (not a bunch of truths). That is to say...Jesus Christ and his love. If you aren't doing it in love, then you're doing it in vain is what Corinthians says.

We are to go into the world and preach the gospel to every creature. So the question is, what is the Gospel? I think scripture sums it up best in Romans 1:16

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth...

The gospel emphasizes God's grace. The gospel is OF CHRIST. This should be the emphasis of every minister. That Christ loves you soooooooo much that He saved you through His grace!

Some may say you have to preach holiness, righteousness,diligence, virtue, patience, or godliness...this list goes on and on. But the bible says that if you lack all of these things, that you have forgotten you were purged from your sins. And your sins were purged because of the mercy of God.

And we cannot understand God's mercy until we understand His Love: Jesus Christ IS love.

Whoa people! IF we just understood all God's done for us, we wouldn't sin. The love of God would prevent that! You don't have to teach godliness, just the love of God. If you understand God's love through Jesus Christ then you'll live godly and holy.

I won't type super long posts all the time, but this message inside me types out of my fingers so readily that I find it hard to stop declaring the love of Jesus. So, remember that you can never do anything to make Jesus stop loving you. It's His nature, and God never changes, not even for you :)

Different strokes for the same folk?

I'd like to present to you something from my heart. This isn't something I like doing, mind you! As I type this I delete my words and re write them and delete those and re word it...ya, I'm working on it, but here it goes :)

Lately, I haven't been intent on bringing a smile to another persons face. Instead, I seem to replace smiles on faces with concern in their eyes. I don't do this on purpose, it's not my fault :) I haven't been the bubbly red head that most people see me as for a while.

But that isn't a bad thing! Just because they haven't seen me in a different state of mind doesn't make this a bad thing. I try to reassure them, but short of doing a cartwheel to express my energy and telling a corny joke, I never seem to convince them that I'm all right!

I have been contemplative lately. Jesus is my peace. That's what I'm suppose to preach: through Jesus we have access to God! This relationship with God has been the best one I've ever had. I am being constantly enlightened to what I know is the hope of salvation. God's greatness exceeds everything my mind can contemplate!

And trust me, I've been contemplating this for a while! I feel that people compare my current demeanor with a memory of how I have been in the past and because I'm not the same, they assume there is a problem with me. While I just want something out of the norm: play the day down low: go with the flow. When they ask me if something is wrong with me, I feel like they are judging my demeanor as something negative.

Never mind the fact that dozens of others act exactly as I am now! Because of my previous performance I have been labeled and am now demanded to perform. Well, I don't feel like performing today, this week, or this month.

I can't imagine what you who read this is thinking, but why must I act a certain way just because you want me to? Am I obligated now to be funny and loud when I wish to be laid back and contemplative? You see, I'm saying this: I am not feeling negative about myself, not thinking horrible thoughts of despair. I'm not degrading my existence or feeling otherwise down on myself. I am just going through the day easy peasy and relaxing in the peace of God. So, as long as I'm acting positively, in line with God's will, I don't see a problem with my current attitude.

Okay, that's all done, rant is over, I'm sorry you read this if you have no idea what I'm talking about! :D I have been more joyful in the last 2 months, than I can ever remember. And I feel it growing inside of me. There is something (Jesus) inside me that is growing deeper into my existence, becoming more apart of my reality, my soul, and my life.

This feeling of joy, hope, love, and peace are not emotions. These things are there when emotions are good and there when they are bad. An ever remaining constant presence inside of me, reminding me of the grand excess of my God. How he has abounded toward me according to how rich his grace is. I cannot give enough thanks for who God is.

These things are so far beyond emotion and reality that I'm just becoming changed by this revelation. And as it grows larger and larger, I become closer and closer to God. I love that more than anything on this earth. Having an intimate, close, personal, unique relationship with God is where eternal life is at. God has quickened me and I've never been more alive and passionate about anything else. He is my peace. For this cause I bow my knees to my Father, the Lord Jesus Christ. Love. Christ is in my heart through faith, and I am grounded in that fact through love. This is what has filled me with the fullness of God.

I love ya guys and hope you're all growing in your relationship with Christ. And if you want to be a follower of Him, ask him to be your life. (Not just a part of it, but totally give your life to Him) and I promise you that it will be the start of true life to the fullest! And if you feel stuck in your life with Christ, ask Him about it and be ready to listen with your heart and hear what might have missed otherwise. God bless!

Friendship

Hey, have you ever had a wonderful day that was made great not by the events that happened but the memories you created? I hope you think how true this really is. Especially when you put it in a relationship perspective.

I am close to God. Being "saved" kinda helps in that. It's an instant thing: Relationship with God is eternal life. yay! But the memories I have with Jesus are unique to me. How we relate to each other is specific, intimate and special. I enjoy knowing God in a way that makes me feel loved.

Then I think of Ken! My best friend!! And here's a huge picture of him below :)


He would dive into a vat of acid if I dropped my car keys in there if he thought I'd have to walk home without them. He reminds me of Christ. Christ DIED FOR YOU so you might have an abundant life and Ken would do the same if given the chance. He wants you to be happy and he will even be detrimental to himself to fulfill those goals. Goals like giving you the best, comforting you, and making you happy. Those of you who don't know him are missing out on a person who always puts others in front of himself and wants the very best for your life.

I'm friends with lots of people, acquaintances with tons, and public enemies of few. Yet there are some, I can count them on one hand, that have really impacted my life and inspired me to live and Ken's one of those people. There's other people that I see so much in that I get super excited thinking about their futures. Best friends like Abbie and Laura, my little cousin whom I love yet barely know, and some others who are just learning that God is good and loving and just wants relationship with them.

When someone gets ahold of that: Jesus is super cool and wants to know you better, so what does that make you?! If you feel less than super cool, then you're saying Jesus isn't super cool either, cuz who wants to hang out with losers? I don't think you're a loser. I think God loves you with every breath, with every piece of matter in existence and there is nothing that can change that. No one can separate you from how cool you really are because no one can be cooler or more important than God. His opinion really matters: It's the only one that does.

Thinking on these things and sitting at work talking with God is amazing. I really love the guy and I felt like blogging to say that I usually think of Jesus and Ken at the same time. lol. He probably wouldn't believe me even if he read this, but it's true. Ken is pure of heart and a role model for Christ. And I want to know the both of them better so I can have more memories with each of them.

So that's what I want you guys and gals to meditate on after you read this blog. What memories do you want to have in 5 years from now? Do you want to look back on this time in your life and pass over it quickly because of the horrible things that happen in life? Or do you want to think back to this day, and remember that it was another day with Jesus? Another opportunity to create a memory that would last forever? So create some memories you'll be glad to have down the road. If you can't do it with some friends close by, you'll always have Jesus. (And he's more fun to hang out with anyways!)

Dive deep

If I had a pen that would write about the love of Jesus 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written.

To paraphrase from a good author Ted Dekker: How deep would you dive to explore God's love?

No matter my day, I find myself eager to breath the mysteries of God's love; to run through a field a endless joy; to bathe in the rays of God's mercy.

So I ask you again: How deep?

How deep is God's love? How deep are you able to dive?

If I could plunge the depths of His Word for the next 40 years before ever preaching behind a pulpit, or meditate on His greatness until my hairs turn gray, I wouldn't have enough understanding of His love.

A God so much bigger, so much better than anything I'm able to imagine, wants to swim with me. He wants to dive with me, giggle with me, and play tag with me.

This is GOD I'm talking about. The I AM! Alpha & Omega! The big cheese! And He wants to spend time with me. Have you ever thought that God created time just so He could spend it with you? Have you ever thought, that He wanted to be with you so much, that all the time in the universe doesn't come close to express His love? Why else would He create eternal life for us if He didn't want to give His life to us?

Well, I tried to give you a snapshot in words what is going through my thoughts right now. And mind you, I can think much faster than I type. I am blown away by God and I won't be able to capture His greatness in a few keystrokes. But I pray you do Him justice, and make it a point to think on His glory for a little while. He thinks about you all the time. And I mean ALL the time. Every single second.

If you have forgotten that, hopefully my blog will have done some good. "Jesus loves you" are three insignificant words unless you find the Lord behind the words. He loves you more than words express. I pray this truth I know becomes an experience we can share. God bless.

Self conversations

Now, I hope I'm not the only one who relates to inner conversations I have with myself. Who doesn't talk to themselves anyways? I asked myself if this was normal and I agree, there's nothing to it!

Anyways, I was thinking in my head and I came to the conclusion that I was sad and lonely. I know! What kind of self reflection is that? So I was quick to bring up what the word says about how STRONG God is and how He gives me joy: And I rebutted with, "I have joy, I'm just not very smiley or happy"...Hmm, okay. I'll talk about this on another blog :D

Well then, what's with this lonely talk? I couldn't figure myself out! I mean, I was thinking about what my wife would be like, how we'll connect etc., my children, inlaws, how I'd meet a "best" friend and where in the world I'd be and...then I had a reality check and canned all that mushy day dream stuff. So, I asked God. What's the deal, Daddy? Why am I lonely? He said it's probably because I haven't been spending any time with him...Ouch.
Well, I know that no amount of time with people can substitute time with the Lord, and that He's a really cool and interesting God to talk to about all issues of life. So what have I been doing neglecting such a cool guy?

What could possibly be causing this? Why don't I "feel" more into the Word and connected to the spirit?

Some of my friends are across the ocean. In England (and I wish I was there with them), others are always international now days and I can never keep up with them, yet still, some are just a few states away. Or even closer, a few miles. Yet God Himself is so close that He's literally inside me in the spirit and He has never even left! Yet, I find it easier to stay in contact with someone out of sight and out of mind than I do my dad!

I had a stern finger pointing in my mind's eye of how I could be acting so ridiculously and I let me have it! Lol, I wasn't too hard on myself. God has a way of saying something that is like a pinch on the arm or someone snapping their fingers in front of your face. No, it's more like a bucket of ice water in your face. It gets your attention.

Oh my goodness! I've been writing how many inches now down the page, and I haven't directly quoted scripture or wrote some sermon on my rarely seen blog! Wow, I had hoped to get better at this personal jibe talk, but I didn't realize I was getting this good!

That is what we call a side-paragraph: Back to all about me! I guess my point is that I encouraged myself in the Lord. I didn't let anyone know about my sadness, or express my isolation. I just listened to God, and did a little self reflecting. (And when you know what the Word says about who you are, and how mighty and wonderful and beautiful God created you, your self reflecting turns out pretty positive). And you find peace. It's simply bliss.

So, I hope you are doing wonderful, and if you don't know what God thinks about you, I'd encourage you to open the bible and take a look: Colossians 1:12 says, Giving thanks to God, which hath made us acceptable: to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:

I can smile big knowing that regardless of my feelings, Christ looks at me and says I'm worth it. I'm worth His attention, I'm worth being His child. That I haven't screwed up my life. I see so much in Him that I forget to look at myself... And I love every moment I have with Jesus.

My tidbits

Justification by faith
John chapter three says you are condemned if you love the darkness. But if you love the light (Jesus) then you are not condemned. I'm so happy we are justified based off of a characteristic God gives us and not our actions.

God wants relationship
Have you ever wondered if God created time just so He could spend it with you? He wants to get to know us and not a single (or accumulative) action on our behalf can change His love for us.

My friends
Thank you for being there for me. You are amazing. I think about and pray for you often. Seeing the love of God in you is never hard and I don't have to look hard. I love surrounding myself around people of the same Christ.

For someone who doesn't know a lot...

(like myself) it always surprises me when I think about how little I actually know about life.

This year in the apprenticeship at school is a little difficult. There are 1,001 things I'd rather be doing on a day to day basis 5 days a week, especially when I could get along lots better if I was working more often. Knowhutimean?

But, I'm not writing this so you can start the gossip on how hard this is on me :) I'm writing this because I hardly ever talk about myself in my blog and I want to change that. Laura is my inspiration for doing this. She can talk about the paper weight on her desk and how it made her feel and I'd be riveted by every word!

I just enjoy even reading the little things and how they impact my friend's life. I'm not saying you all have to hang on every word I post, but I at least hope I'm not boring you with these posts.

Usually, I will type about some revelation or word from God and I really enjoy organizing my thoughts that way. But I also like the impersonal anonymity given on the internet in the fact that I can type this out and not have to spend the time to find the words.

Back to the apprenticeship!!!! Everyone abandon-ship!!!! That's how I feel sometimes. If all they want to do is help me "prepare" for my next step, or for God's calling on my life, then I feel that it was a program wasted on me.

I have my next step down to a T. Work for Andrew Wommack Ministries. Tada! Step one done. Now, how to prepare for God's calling on my life... I really hope God has some ideas on this because I can do nothing in the flesh and win. I always fail.

This apprenticeship is not a waste of my time. The Lord knew that this would be a time I need before I enter into full time ministry. I know it too. This is a preparation time like none other. I have a great opportunity here and I greatly appreciate how much time people put into the program I'm in FOR ME.

But it's okay that I don't have a ministry yet. It's fine that I'm not mentoring anyone just quite. It's all right that I'm ministering to myself and edifying myself in God's word. god doesn't want me to step out onto the track just yet. I can wait. I put all my confidence in Jesus.

I have about one more term left and I don't know it all :) But I suppose I'm going to spend the rest of my life learning who Jesus Christ is. I can't get enough of him. I'm amazed of how little I am and how BIG He is. And I will never stop loving Him.